Depression Is

  • Different for different people. But commonly:
  • Knowing that you smell like a thousand obese men in a sauna, but still struggling to find the motivation to choose a bath over a couch.
  • Eating like you’ve been on hunger strike for a month and junk food is a sudden new novelty that you simply must over-indulge in. 7 meals a day, that you really don’t need, become acceptable. Tripling your calorie RDA becomes the norm.
  • Or not eating at all. Actually going on hunger strike.
  • Forgetting to do the washing up and the laundry. (Although, when you’re not eating and changing out of your pyjamas, this isn’t such a problem.)
  • Cancelling things. Social things. Doctors appointments. Dentist appointments. Things you really need to do, like work, like college, like uni. Half the time you wish your life had a cancel option.
  • Having friends and family think you’re rude and ignorant, because replying to a message on Facebook and pretending to be okay is hard bloody work.
  • Pretending to be physically ill, because people understand that more than mental illness. They react nicely. You say you’ve been up all night vomiting and they say “get well soon”. You say you’ve been up all night crying and they ask you “why?”. You say you’re depressed and again, they ask you why. You have to resist the urge to ask them why they’re so stupid.
  • Feeling every aspect of your life spiral out of control and not having an ounce of control over it happening.
  • Looking for escapisms. Alcohol, Netflix, food, incessantly buying shit you don’t need over the internet, listening to music non-stop, reading non-stop, running like Usain Bolt, becoming a gym-junkie, or addicted to video games, never glancing up from the computer, constantly playing guitar/piano/drums/whatever you’re into but ignoring everything else around you. Some things are more harmful than others, but essentially you’re getting yourself hooked on things that take you away from yourself. A hobby can become a lifeline. Yes, food can be classed as a hobby.
  • Or, losing interest in all the things that used to provide you with a bit of happiness. They stop working, and even if they could be something that helps you feel better, you wouldn’t know, because you’ve lost your motivation to try.
  • Experiencing a breaking point. A meltdown. A moment of mental collapse. A crying fit. An angry outburst. Or worse.
  • Being able to cry on command. A constant lump in your throat and tears behind your eyes.
  • Or, inability to show any emotion whatsoever. Numbness.
  • A pain in your head that will not piss off.
  • An extreme love for your bed. You would marry it if it was a person.
  • Sometimes, finding common ground with someone you thought you didn’t have that much in common with. Because, afterall, depression is common. Can I use the word common anymore?
  • It can also be realising that not every human who roams the earth is a dick. Some people do actually want to help and support you, without wanting anything in return.
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Posted by

Autism mumma, gin lover, overwhelmed student and home décor obsessive. I blog about parenting, special needs, mental health and all the bits in between @ GinAndTantrums.com

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